Getting Started: 20 Questions

I thought it might be helpful, since most people are going to be at the start of their experience in on-line dating when accessing this site or putting together a profile, for me to suggest some helpful hints to keep in mind during those early days of getting to know someone. In a nutshell, it’s simple; be curious. Ask a lot of questions and be prepared to answer some of your own. This is riskier in terms putting more of yourself out there, but in the end can really pay off.

 Question Ideas:

When e-mailing back and forth make sure to ask some key questions to help raise any red-flags that could be hiding behind the computer screen.

 1. Let’s say that you are a music lover. It stands to reason that you’d be suited to someone that enjoys this as well, and can even introduce you to a few things. So ask .. not only what type of music do you like .. but what are some of your favourite artists, and what songs? The answers can be telling. For instance, I like blues/rock generally, but anything from The Tragically Hip to Nickelback, to Xavier Rudd and Ben Harper.. and best live.

2. What are your favourite smells .. this is a little bit more interesting than favourite colour or number. And again, the type of question that you ask gives you more information about the person that you’re interested in. My good friend’s answer to this was: the lemon tree in his back yard in California, a eucalyptus grove and his favourite steak marinate. Quite attractive I thought.

3. Of course the “What do you do for work?” is a common and necessary question often. But .. what about how do you like your work, and what do you like about it? What did you do before? If you could do anything and get paid for it, what would you do? Makes it more fun.

4. “What kind of food do you like?” Often a good one .. but what about where is the best place that you have ever had that? Is there something that you have never had and want to try? What about atmosphere  .. is that important?

5. Another good one is “Where were you when 911 happened?” People have all kinds of interesting stories about where they were, what they thought and how this historic and tragic event impacted them. This can tell you a good deal about a person. It is like perhaps asking a baby boomer where they were when JFK was shot.

6. Of noteworthy people, who would you like to meet, sit down with and have dinner conversation. One of my top ones was always Prince. Interesting and talented guy, I thought. Again, telling.

So now that you have an idea of some good questions that you might put out there .. what about possible date locations? If you are thinking about dinner on a first or early date .. give some thought to a place where they cook in front of you. This way if conversation is awkward or there are gaps, then you have entertainment to smooth things.

All in all, be comfortable with yourself in asking questions without being to invasive, and in answering a few yourself. All the best with the early days.

Andria Fry,

Psychotherapist, M Ed Counselling, C.C.C.

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