Taking Your Online Relationship Offline
Communicate online for about two weeks before deciding to meet offline.
Actually meeting the person you have been chatting with online is one of the most important steps in online dating. Many times, when you feel that you have that spark online, your instincts may tell you to go slow and keep chatting in order to really get to know the person you’re connecting with. For many, the transition of moving past the safety of your computer screen to actually getting out there and meeting your match can be a really scary thing. While it is important to take some time and get to know the person you are communicating with, how long should you wait before taking your online relationship offline?
Some online daters will say that one of the benefits of online dating is that sense of safety you have in the initial “getting-to-know-you” phase. Online dating allows you to go at your own pace and communicate for as long as you feel comfortable before actually meeting someone face-to-face. They may advise you to correspond for as long as necessary to discover whether your match is someone that you really want to meet. However, many experienced online daters will often say that a prolonged exchange of emails and chatting is a waste of time. Even when you feel that you have a good rapport with someone online, email can be very one-dimensional and there is no real way of knowing if that spark will translate to the offline world. Many online daters will also tell you that with a prolonged online interchange, expectations become over-inflated and while you may feel like you’re falling in love with someone on paper, the first date can turn into a disaster because your expectations are so high that the real person isn’t even close to what you imagined.
While it is always best to trust your instincts and do what feels right, the general consensus is to set up a brief face-to-face meeting after about 2 weeks of chatting/emailing. When most people start out on an online dating site, they are not necessarily exclusive and are often connecting with more than one person at a time. By waiting to meet someone face-to-face, you may be spending a great deal of time on someone that you aren’t going to connect with.
When searching for that someone special, we may often find ourselves relying on communication technology to protect ourselves from the anxiety of actually meeting someone in person. It allows people the opportunity to get to know someone in depth by asking questions and having time to answer them without the awkward silences and sweaty palms. However, it’s important to remember that what truly draws two people together has more to do with chemistry than with common interests.
Unless there are certain factors (like distance) that prevent you from meeting face to face, it really should be done sooner rather than later. There is really only so much information you can learn from each other without face-to-face interaction. If you have been speaking to someone for a couple of weeks online and on the phone, you should have a pretty good idea if you want to meet or not. If you’re still uncertain after that time, take a moment and ask your gut why you are so hesitant. If something is making you suspicious, always trust your instincts.
When you finally do meet your online date for the first time in person, remember that they’re likely just as excited and nervous as you are. Picking a public spot, telling a friend where you’ll be, and choosing a date that involves an activity you both like are great ways to stay safe and to see if that online chemistry is still there in person.
Ali Goldfield, Psychotherapist
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