That Loving Feeling

When your gut says no on a date

You can’t force or fake it.

It’s not particularly hard to get completely confused in the movie Inception, am I right? Imagine how lost you would be if you spent the whole movie concentrating on sitting as far over as possible in your seat so as to not give your date even a sliver of an interested signal. Needless to say, I quite enjoyed watching it over again on my big comfy couch, feet propped up on the knees of my loved one, Will. It made me wonder why I ever agreed to see such a lengthy movie on a first date. What made it all worse is that I knew within a minute of meeting this guy that it wouldn’t work with him. I just knew.

We met for dinner and drinks at a fun pub known for its lengthy beer list. As we sat at the bar waiting for a table, my stomach sank lower and lower. We had had great conversations online for nearly two weeks. He was tall enough and had an interesting and creative job. My stomach pretty much dropped on the floor when we were seated at the cosiest of tables! How could I make my body into a big, red stop sign when I was forced to sit close enough to count the stubble hairs on his face? I spent the meal thinking of ways to escape going to the movie, but I couldn’t go through it. He was nice! He was normal! He didn’t deserve being ditched mid-date.

Your gut feeling is different than butterflies, and it’s not quite anxiety. It’s hard to describe, but impossible to ignore. I’ve lost count at the number of times my gut has left me feeling hopelessly frustrated. You come across a guy who is perfect on paper… er, on screen. His profile is well done. Communications with him are easy and friendly. And finally you meet him in person, gut says “no.” The date itself might even go very nicely, too! Conversation flows well, he makes you laugh. But still, gut says “no.” And of course, he calls you two days later to ask you out again. Gut says “no.”

The hardest part of dates like these is that you really want to like him. If you could only just learn to like him, this would obviously be a perfect relationship! But you can’t force a connection where there isn’t one. Our insides aren’t psychic. Sadly, there is no course we can take to hone that sixth sense and avoid heartbreak. But your gut can tell you if this person is someone you really want to be with or not. Listening to it — no matter how frustrated it makes you feel or how awful it is to reject someone — will save a person from being led on and it will save you many hours of discomfort.


Love Lila LogoLila is a public relations professional by trade, and a relationship blogger therapeutically. Although she found love with boyfriend Will, memories of the online dating world are hard to repress.

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