The pro of on-line dating that might actually be a con
Remember when you first signed up for that on-line dating site? The “fresh-meat” status often results in an in-box over-flowing with prospective suitors. I was so overwhelmed the first week that I almost deleted my account before responding to anyone! It feels good to have so much attention; but it also takes time and energy to sort through, distinguishing between those of interest based on a few words and photos.
Eventually the messages became more manageable. I e-mailed with a few different guys, went out on a few coffee dates. And quickly became discouraged by one of the pros of on-line dating that I have now come to view as more of a con: multiple options.
I wasn’t much of a dater before. I’ve been in a few relationships that seemed to just happen. But this time, I wanted to be “wined & dined” a little! I wanted to feel special, interesting, impressed.
I wanted a reason to not check the messages in my profile in-box when I got home.
Maybe that’s a steep request or expectation for a first date with someone met on-line. But I always made the effort – doing my hair and make up; trying on different outfits; re-reading his profile and messages; anxiously wondering what we’ll talk about; if he’ll be as cute in person as in his pictures; as witty and charming as his profile.
Because I wanted to give him a reason to not check his messages when he got home!
Unfortunately what I found sometimes was much less effort on my date’s part. One in particular who lived in a different city changed the location of the date last minute so that I ended up driving further than half-way to meet him. And he still showed up 20 minutes late, wearing ripped jeans and a hoodie. He texted his neighbour about playing pool later, before we had even finished our drinks; and after talking all night about how successful he was, asked “So you, uh, wanna split the bill?”
I can deal with the fact that this guy maybe realized early on that he wasn’t interested. But what about the seemingly lack of effort put into appearance and punctuality? Or the other reflections of little effort put into the first impression that I had disappointingly come across in some of my dates?
There seems to be a general thought that if this date doesn’t go well; if I don’t like this one, or this one doesn’t like me, no matter. There are always more options. Plenty of fish in the internet sea, if you will! Which sounds like, and is to some extent, a fantastic upside to on-line dating. But I have to wonder if so many options have made us somewhat apathetic about the first impression we give?! And therefore, if this pro has actually become a con.
Have so many options made us apathetic
about the first impression we give?
First impressions are so important, and you really only get one chance. For me, a lack of effort shown in that first date is a sign that there may be a lack of effort put into a relationship going forward as well. It doesn’t impress me. I’m less likely to say yes to a second date, and you will likely find me on-line right after we say good night.
But put some effort into your first impression, and… well if I am on-line after we say good night, it’s probably to see if there’s a new message from you!
Beth Ann is an aspiring relationship counsellor and closet romantic. Broken, bruised, and blessed by love; continually seeking to re-discover hope for herself, her friends, and future clients!